Posted on:November 06 2006

I'm demotivated. Programming, working, blogging, website updating, administrative stuff, answering mails, all this feels so senseless currently. But even doing nothing is demotivating and depressing, so I'm keeping doing it. I recently began to work on Irrlicht more again to prepare the next release, moved some pages to ambiera, implemented hardware accelerated global illumination in irredit (going to blog about this maybe) and lots of other things, but I'm still feeling empty.
I don't know what's the cause of this mood, but I'm at least depressed by the news. Huge democratic progress because of a death sentence? 2 days before U.S. elections? What a joke. Especially if the death sentence was because of 148 killed people, while Bush caused the death of 650.000 people in Iraq in the latest illegal war started by him, and there are no consequences for him at all. What a mad world. And did you follow news in Austria? You can only express in Austrian Language what they are doing there currently: Unglaubliches Kasperltheater, und auch noch finanziert von uns.
I could keep on like this for a while, but I'm putting this aside, nobody really wants to read it. Sorry for this negative post. Here's something more positive to watch via youTube, to cheer up.


Don't watch news. Life is way to short for feeling bad about things you have no influence about.
2006-11-06 18:01:00

This world is damned, ugly, stupid. oh yeah.
This is why Internet is cool, it's our freedom. Coding is great, creative, and what you do is very important to all little coders like me; using your tools and enjoying what I can do with it. Computers help us to be creative, to educate, to communicate... and maybe in 100 years less people will be ready to smash each other.
2006-11-06 18:03:00

I'm sad to hear that you're not feeling all too well. I wish I could help you, but I merely hope that I might be able to push you in the right direction.
We all feel like this once in a while, and what I usually do is remembering what used to help - Think happy thoughts ! (Cliché, I know .. ) It might sound lame, but think about it - focusing on how bad you feel will only make you even more sad.
Another not so philosophical way to get over a bad mood, is to 'laugh the rain away' - you know, 'laughter is the very best medicine' ( okok, I'll stop citing songs now ^^; ) What I mean is that you could watch a funny movie, or your favorite TV show, to get your mind off of things.

In any case, get well soon ! ( We need you :) )

2006-11-06 18:40:00

"You can only express in Austrian Language what they are doing there currently: Unglaubliches Kasperltheater, und auch noch finanziert von uns." Yeah right. Just because of one little 'l' it's "Austrian language". Pff. ;)

What the hell is Ambiera?

I've had that exact same problem. For about ten years now(I'm 21). ;) Everything I do now is not because I really want to do it, but just to kill time. :( If I do anything at all.

"I could keep on like this for a while, but I'm putting this aside, nobody really wants to read it." I do. Wait, why did you post it then? Reminds me of those "I wanted to put some money in but when I remembered, I had already closed the envelope."-letters. ;)
2006-11-06 18:50:00

I want to read it too! so keep up your mind, and feel happy about your new website! eat chocolate, drink some nice "zwettler" beer, and at least: don't worry, "lost" will be programmed on tv next sunday as well. ;)
2006-11-06 19:33:00

Hi Nicko. Maybe You should relax by some time - maybe some new hobby in free time or something other what You like.
2006-11-06 20:20:00

a suggestion: have sex! So much for that.
c. t.
2006-11-06 20:53:00

Well, my strategy against severe depression and feeling senseless is...
a) playing Civilization 4, or
b) programming, or
c) watching Crysis videos.

Btw: How about buying some new graphics card on Wednesday and adding a cool, clean, powerful next-gen shading system to your Engine?
2006-11-06 21:01:00

You sound like a prime candidate for my 'The Doors' post over in the 'Other than Irrlicht' forum section:

In fact, you sound so depressed I suggest you listen to both interviews.And it doesn't cost any money.

Other than that...I don't know.
2006-11-06 21:27:00

everyone is allowed to get exhausted, dejected, and just plain unmotivated. don't get mad at yourself - give yourself time to think about other ideas and recharge. we'll be here :)
2006-11-07 01:06:00

I don't watch news because it's 90% bad news ;) Oh and thank you for irredit, it's an amazing tool!
2006-11-07 02:13:00

Sadam commited Genocide, and was continuing to do so. It affected alot more than 148 people. Bush came in and started to revamp the country. You make it sound like Bush murdered 165,00 people. He did not.

The casualties are:
Total Coalition Casualties:
Contractor Casualties:
2006-11-07 02:34:00

continued (spam filter wouldn't let me post the rest)
Deaths by Coalition Country:
Between 45477 and 50446 Iraqis are estimated dead at this site:
2006-11-07 02:35:00

I don't know where you got 165,000. Or how you ended up blaming every death on Bush, but you need to chill out... Bush / News aren't making you depressed, the fact that you dwell on bad news makes you depressed.
Go out and enjoy yourself and get undepressed :D ...
2006-11-07 02:38:00

what can I say, this is how things works, the worst of all is that maybe we have to wait for another 30 years for someone who do someting about ...

so, go out, enjoy life, be happy, and keep up the good job, I must say your work is amazing...

2006-11-07 07:26:00

it's great to hear read that you (are/was) preparing the new irrlicht release :)
people like me are happy for every feature that you implement into irrlicht, isn't that positive?
2006-11-07 07:27:00

Andrew, you are a moron. You do know that the "revamping" totally screwed Iraq. The country was safer with the dictator in power. The fact that he kept terrorist out because they threatened to take him out of power. And don't even bring up the nonsense about him giving weapons to terrorist. Reality check dumbass, USA does to. The Bush administrations bad foreign policy has also screwed us from any cooperation from North Korea and Iraq. So yes, it is his fault, his fault in that he is the president, he appointed everyone, so yes, it is his fault. And yes Andrew we are screwed unless we can get better leadership. We are not crusaders from God. And I do not support any insane president who says he can tell people are "good" by looking into their souls, and also a president that says he talks to God. Whoever leads this country and says he "talks to God" should be impeached immediately.

Don't worry Niko, there are still some aware people in the USA. New leadership will take care of this problem. I just dread my generation having to clean up Iraq, and the budget. Oh noes the troubles christian conservatives cause.. (sigh)
2006-11-07 08:43:00

not winning wars since the 1800's...
2006-11-07 08:44:00

Make a small team of developers [coders] and go play with irrlicht or try to work with students to make cool demos, or maybe be involved into a cool new project.

After that get your friends drink beer and meet new girls. (devil)
2006-11-07 09:11:00

... demotivated? I know this feeling all too well.
2006-11-07 09:48:00

Motivation comes in cycles (mine does anyway) - when you're demotivated, don't fight it - go do something fun instead, preferably with friends.

I'm not even going to get into the pro-war / anti-war debate here since extremes of view always pointlessly dominate the discussion, when neither ends of the spectrum have a remotely balanced or accurate perception of the events. Spend too much time listening to propaganda of either persuasion and you'll soon lose the will to live. ;) Life is far more complex than politicians or people who write slogans on placards want you to believe.
2006-11-07 11:19:00

Niko! I know what you are feeling. I will go with what others said - don't push it too hard, I am very amazed at the amount of work you are capable to do. But now I guess take some time off and it will come back. May be go to some judo sparring again? :) We will still be here.
2006-11-07 12:11:00

Well, have the same feeling - wrote some songs yesterday in the late evening and still not feeling better :( But one thing to say: What you've created is amazing. Irrlicht, IrrEdit, IrrKlang, IrrXML, all these are extremly useful for many people out there. When I've got some time again (moved in my new flat saturday, so time is rare these days) I'll write a little Adventure/RPG-Demo using IrrEdit, IrrKlang, Irrlicht, my IScriptManager using Lua and a bit of portal rendering out of the Irrlicht-Forum ;) Just try to concentrate on the things, you already achieved and what the good sides of the world are. There's not only hatred, war and murder out there - but that's why people watch the news, so that's what the news show.
2006-11-07 12:43:00

For a more balanced and considered view of current events, skip the mainstream media entirely (TV, tabloids) and read journals like National Geographic, Time etc. TV and daily papers don't have the time, attention span or motivation to do the subjects justice. The articles in these publications are generally long enough to be more considered and detailed, and short enough that you don't get too buried in the author's own opinion (which tends to happen with some of the books).

Headlines, statistics, summaries and propaganda tell you nothing of worth. The real stories are many, varied, and personal, and there are most often an equal number of good and bad. That's real life.
2006-11-07 13:00:00

You are helping me reach my dreams... I hope that helps a little...
2006-11-07 15:08:00

I think everyone has been through a lot of times of severe depression, i usually play games or do programming to go over it! But if i am already doin a lot of programming i chill out for a couple o weeks, enjoy my time goin out wid friends!
2006-11-07 15:23:00

Luckily I can play with my daughter when I feel demotivated - it reminds me that software development isn't that important. :)
2006-11-07 15:27:00

blah, yeh of course totally all christian conservatives are for war...or wait, isn't the pope against all wars? that comment was about as fair as the "all muslims are terrorists" crap that people spout.
making generalizations like that is really ignorant.

as for niko, be of good cheer! you have been doing something really useful with your life and your time, creating your engines and tools. people love them and use them, and it really is worth the effort! I wish I could say the same of the fruits of my work.....
2006-11-07 20:58:00

I go through the same thing quite a bit. Just take some time off from the news. When you watch TV keep it limited to sitcoms, politically/socially neutral movies, etc.

Not knowing your view on theology I'll approach it from both ends of the spectrum. From a theistic viewpoint everything going on is the result of the evil in mens' hearts. From a naturalistic standpoint everything going on is the result of complex chemical reactions.

Either way, you have no control over it. Men cannot change the hearts of other men, and you have as little control over the chemical reactions in President Bush's, Kim Jong Il's, or any other world leaders brains as you do over the reaction between sodium and water.

Just quit worrying about it.

To summarize, take some time off from Irrlicht, if part of the reason is burn-out. We'd rather have to wait for a quality product than a half-hearted release you put out just because you felt obligated to (anyone who disagrees on me do some research on the release of Poser 5).

If it's the world situation, just ignore it. Take part in elections (not sure how the election cycles run in Austria), but when you're not at the polls just concentrate on your personal life. If you have a girlfriend/wife spend time with her. If you have family that lives close by spend time with them.

If you don't have anyone then get out and search for someone. That can be just as satisfying as having a woman to spend your time with. At least it was for me, because while my fiancé filled a void in me, she created another one because I didn't have the search to look foreward to.

Basically, if your current routine is bothering you, shake it up a little. On your way home from work/school (not sure of your age here) turn right where you'd normally turn left. If you have access to forested regions (as in both physical and in terms of permission) spend any free time you have out there. Just remember to take a lighter or a box of matches with you in case you get lost.

If it's the news and/or routine that's contributing to your depression then keeping up with the news and staying in the same routine is only going to make it worse.
Fatty Arbuckle
2006-11-07 23:18:00

hi niko,

maybe that you are just burned out, i had the same at the end of college. the symptoms you describe seem very familiar to me. you should make room in your life for relaxing. a human being can not work all the day and then spend the rare free time with bothering with the problems of the world. its too much. you must check your regular activities and cancel some of them. for me it was the job i financed the college with. i quit it and got a credit for the last 2 semester, and then concentrated on examinations and diploma.

the second thing that helped me was talking. talk with friends, family about your problem! maybe go to a doctor, i did it! i went to a doctor (not a mind doctor, a normal doctor) and told him the symptoms (i had the suspicion it could be a desease). the doctor talked to me and it helped very well. he made it clear to me, that i am not ill or something but just overloaded, burend out. after someone i do not know told this to me from a professional perspective, it came clear to me. i would never have thought something like that, overloaded, burned out, me??? but it was so.

finally i agree with the people that say that you should not worry about things you cant change. what you can change (or keep) is you, your mind, your oppinion to the things in the world. so be happy that you are not one of the manipulated mass that believes everything that the gouverment and media says. its hard enough work to keep ones own mind free, so be proud that you manage it. in fact the more people think like you and dont cry with the wolves, the earlier the things WILL change. so staying a self-thinking individuum is the only thing one can and should do, and you do, so what?

2006-11-08 14:03:00

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